I’m tired of being a mom.
That’s right, I said it. I’m tired of being a mom. Oh, and please don’t try to make me feel guilty for feeling this way. And I’m calling BS if you’re a mom & can honestly say you’ve never felt this way before. Now before you get all upset with me and refuse to read any further, I am not saying that I don’t love my kids and don’t love being their mom. But being a mom is a job right? And I know I can’t be the only one who complains and vents about their job every now and then. Even though we are thankful and extremely blessed to have a job, that doesn’t mean some days it’s not a pain in our ass.
Well today was one of those days. Just a pain in my ass. I would be lying to you if I said that some unusual and stressful situation happened to make me feel this way because it didn’t.
Today, I wished I could have slept until noon instead of getting up at 6 a.m. to take my daughter to school. Today I wished I could have listened to my own Pandora station in the car instead playing Taylor Swift because my child insists on hearing “Blank Space” … EVERY SINGLE MORNING. Today, I wished I could have gotten a pedicure (my feet literally look like they’ve been to hell and back) instead of changing dirty diapers and getting peed on twice. Today, I wished I could have watched another episode of my favorite show on Netflix instead of rewinding the theme song to Jake and the Neverland Pirates to keep my son entertained. Today,I wished I could have spent just one hour at the gym instead of juggling homework, dinner, gymnastics class and a baby that refuses to sit by himself for more than 30 seconds. Today, I wished I could have enjoyed a relaxing bubble bath, with a glass of wine and my favorite book (I’ve been on chapter 8 for three weeks) instead of doing yet another load of laundry and washing dishes. And since we’re being completely honest, I added dirty dishes to the clean ones and restarted the dishwasher. You can’t say you’ve never done that before and if you haven’t, I highly recommend it.
My routine today was just like any other day and I think that’s the reason why sometimes I get so… tired. Not just physically tired but emotionally and mentally as well. Now let me reiterate again, how much I love my kids. They are my pride and joy and I truly believe that if it wasn’t for them my life would be one big disaster. Sometimes I think about what I would be doing if I didn’t have children. I would like to think I’d be on a yacht on a private island, with unlimited alcohol, Kylie Jenner’s body, and a credit card with no limits. But the reality is I would be a HOT MESS without my kids and probably wishing I had them to help me get my life together. My kids have saved me from making A LOT of dumb decisions so I don’t regret them for one second. But that doesn’t mean I don’t get tired of the daily routine of motherhood. And if you’re with me, can I get an AMEN?!
Okay, let’s switch gears a little bit …
The top part of this post was something I wrote in September of 2016. Almost a full year ago. As I go back and reread what I wrote, I didn’t realize it at the time, but I strongly believe I was in the beginning stages of post-partum depression. I was juggling a lot and was having a very hard time adjusting to becoming a new mom again. I was going through it.
When I first found this post hidden in my old computer, I decided I wasn’t going to post it. Although I remember feeling that way, I wondered what people might think if I they knew that about me. Mainly what other moms might think. What if they think I don’t love my kids? What if they think I’m not a fit mother? What if, what if, what if…. *insert eye roll*
But then I thought who cares what people might think?! Anyone who knows me knows I love my babies with all that I have in me. When I decided to launch this blog, one of the promises I made to my readers was to be transparent, real and completely honest. Hiding who I was and what I was feeling would be nothing but a lie. As optimistic as I try to be, I’m human and sometimes I really suck at being positive.
I think it’s important to point out that while motherhood is incredibly amazing it can also be challenging at times. What I’ve learned since then, is that it’s okay to be tired and completely exhausted – I’m pretty sure we wouldn’t be doing our jobs right as mothers if we weren’t. Motherhood is one of the most difficult things we as women will ever experience. It’s a nonstop selfless commitment. After all, we are completely in charge of these little wild creatures and their happiness depends 100% on us. But how can we make them happy if we aren’t happy ourselves? How can we feed their souls if our souls aren’t fed? How can we teach our children to be who they are if we don’t even know who we are?
About a year ago, a friend of mine and I were having a casual conversation and they asked me where do I see myself in 10 years. Without hesitation I answered, “being a mom.” They looked at me like I was crazy, “that’s it? Just a mom? You’re already a mom, there’s nothing else that you want to do?” That question hit me like a ton of bricks because I had never thought of it like that before. You mean to tell me I can be more than just a mom? UM DUH, HELLO. I’ve already accomplished being a mother; that’s something I will ALWAYS be. I don’t have to strive to be that. What else was it that I wanted to do? At the time, I truthfully didn’t know.
Since then, what I’ve come to realize is that sometimes it’s okay to put yourself first. Sometimes it’s okay to tend to your needs and be a little selfish. Now in no way am I saying that it’s okay to neglect your children and do whatever it is that you want to do. What I am saying is that you cannot let yourself get so worn out and tired that you forget to take care of yourself and be YOU. Yes, I am a mom but that doesn’t mean that I can’t still have interests and desires that may have nothing to do with motherhood. It’s okay to have dreams, aspirations, and goals that you want to accomplish that have nothing to do with your children. It’s okay if being just a mom and only a mom is not acceptable to you.
Moms, always love your children and love the blessing of motherhood. But don’t forget to also love yourself and the blessing of being who you are. And if you’ve lost yourself in this crazy whirlwind of motherhood, do not feel guilty for taking some you time because you owe it to yourself and you deserve it. Find what you like, find what you dislike; find your goals; find your ambitions, find what motivates you and what drives you. Find your identity beyond being a mom. And it is OKAY if those things have nothing to do with motherhood. Because it is possible to maintain who you are, or become who you are, and still be a great mother at the same time.